Today has turned into a difficult day. I don’t mean to be moody and grumpy here, but sometimes that is part of life, yes? This week, in summary, has been a strange one, and it lead to a life revelation today that has left me feel disheartened.

I am nothing but persistent, and while I don’t know the solution to my problem, I do know that I can’t just quit and let my life continue on this path. Well, I could, but I will never be happy and fulfilled.

When I think of happy, I don’t mean bubbly and smiling and all that. I just mean content. The problems are minor and I’m doing things in my life that bring my heart joy. A joy I might not express on the outside, and it’s a joy that might come with a great deal of frustration because it’s work, but it’s the joy that comes with satisfaction. I’m not striving for perfection because that is not an accomplishable goal.

Happiness shouldn’t be impossible, though. I am close to happiness. It is not far away from me. The cost of it, however, is being true to a person that will confuse those around me. Feelings will be hurt, and I do not enjoy being the cause of pain for others. I feel, though, that so many people are trying to mold me into a shape that is pleasing to them without letting me mold into the shape that God has given me to be. If everyone else could see that vision of the great creator, my life would be so much easier. Instead, I’m being pushed into something unnatural, and I hate being a disappointment. That leads to isolation and stress. I strive to have a low key life.

Like I said, it’s been a weird week with weird revelations. What does this have to do with my writing life? I will never be able to create, to find my satisfaction, as long as I am following that unnatural molding. Creating is near impossible these days because I am so far from the atmosphere that leads me to that beautiful place where I can do it. Unfortunately, it is not a journey I can take unless the rest of the world lets me go on the adventure.

Things will get easier. I will not quit the fight.